intro

so i decided to start a blog - about what, i'm not sure, that'll come to me, i suppose. for now, i shall start by introducing myself. i am jill. i am 30, and a disabled, divorced mother of one 9-year old boy named graham and i recently moved in with my boyfriend, mike. i have a lot of interests, but a few pressing goals, and this blog is an effort to keep me motivated to pursue these goals, hopefully with the help of strangers just like you [yes, you... the one reading right now].
these goals are as follows:

1. i want to learn how to run.
as of now, i can't run, as i was born with a rare, non-hereditary defect known medically as proximal focal femoral deficiency [PFFD], known commonly as 'she was born without a femur'. i'm a 'class D', which means that i am completely absent both the acetabulum [hip socket] and femoral head. the femoral shaft is extremely short and only a small part of the lower femur is present, with marked knee abnormality. by abnormality, i mean that my knee and my hip were basically fused together at birth. as stated, it's rare for a girl of my age born in the U.S., as thalidomide was well banned by then, aside from the fact that there were, even in the 60's, only 17 reported cases of thalidomide-based malformities in the U.S. some doctors theorize today that PFFD is caused by an in-utero virus or toxins in the body during pregnancy. no one really knows for sure, as, like i've stated, it's pretty rare. we're all still learning, i guess. at any rate, as you may have gathered, running could be a bit difficult when your knee [now gone, and replaced with a metal plate] and your hip were fused at birth. but i came across another PFFD gal, who oddly enough, is a triathlete, so if she can do it, so can i. i have been a swimmer since childhood, i learned how to ride a bike last summer, so by god, i guess it's time to run. not long ago, mike purchased a pair of excellent running shoes for me to get me started. mike started running a few months ago, and though you don't know him like i do, i will introduce him by saying that he gets *really* into things when he gets into them. so when he took up running to help him get in shape, he got new shoes, he ran several times a week, he read books and magazines about running, he talked about running non-stop, he started a running club and a running blog and... argh! stop! i got fed up, and we got in a fight about it.

i called him insensitive, "how can you go on about this, knowing that it's something i *can't* do? it's not like i can and choose not to, it's that i can't do it!" "why can't you?", he asked. good question. "i think you can. why don't we try this, jill." and here we are. so yeah, i am learning how to run. i've never done it before. hell, my leg doesn't even know how to make the movements, to extend, to bend, but i'm gonna try and try and try. i'm starting slow, hitting the treadmill on a slow pace, teaching my body to push through the 'unnaturalness' of walking by extending my leg past my body, which doesn't happen when i walk right now. simply put, it's hard. if i'm not thinking about it, when i bring the prosthesis up to step forward, it naturally goes right underneath me, not in front of me. this practice, of course, does not a good runner make. eventually, i will pursue a trainer to help, but for now, the only trainer i have is mike and my will. here's to hoping.

2. i want to buy a letterpress and start a business doing letterpressed paper goods.
once upon a time, i was married. i was young, in love, had a family and a house, all was right with the world... that is, until i caught the bastard cheating with one of my girlfriends. lovely. since then, i've been a little down on the idea of marriage, so imagine my surprise when my friends dave and devin asked me to design and print their wedding invitations [oh yeah, i forgot to tell you, i'm a graphic designer]. at first i wanted to vomit. then, once i got over the nausea, i realized that this stupid invitation brought me great joy in creating, AND, it ultimately focused on the one element of design that i've always loved and have obsessed over: type. i'm a type freak. i love type more than one human should. in all its irony, the divorced girl found herself really loving this wedding invitation thing, and has since done several more. the next natural step, then, would be to start a business making these lovely things for people to start their happy ever after - whether that be in marriage, in having babies, in starting a new job or business... with all these joyous opportunities, comes a paper need that i want to fill. letterpresses are expensive. i have bad credit, mostly due to the fact that 3 people in Philadelphia have been using my social security number since i was 12, but it's bad nonetheless. i can't just take out a loan and buy the darned thing, i have to wait. i have to wait for one to be sold locally too, as these things are more expensive to ship than they are to purchase, due to their size/weight. i hate waiting. this is the most notable exercise in patience i've ever had.

3. i want to be debt-free.
go ahead, scoff at this one. yes, i'm aware that we're in a shit economy right now. yes, i'm also aware that when 3 other people aside from you are using your social security number, it could make a mess. and it has. but i'm cleaning it up, bit by bit. i told mike i did not want him to marry my debt, and i'm a girl of my word, so this is a goal too... not to get married again, per se, but to get to a point where we can buy this awesome house we live in, or take out a small business loan, or yes, even get married if we want to, without having $10k of other people's crap attached to me. i also have a really shitty car, a 21-yr. old camry, that i can't replace because of this debt. it needs to be replaced before it dies. this is a priority, since i'm a reverse-commuter [a city-dweller who works in the 'burbs] and Cincinnati is not a town known for it's mass transit, sadly. my work is not a bikable distance, and our busses are laid out so poorly that it would take me nearly 2 hours each way to work and back. a car is necessary in Cincinnati. one that doesn't scare me would be preferred, therefore, i must raise that score to land a car that maybe even has a warranty or something. that'd be nice.

okay, so yeah... those are my current goals. by putting them down on here, i feel like that's sort of holding me accountable in my pursuit of these goals. i'm excited and scared and tired. well, mostly tired because i decided to start this after closing down the karaoke night and now it's wicked late, but you get the idea. i'm going to bed now, cause i just realized just how late it was. tomorrow is a new day. and so it begins...